[00:00:00] In this episode, why Entrepreneurs Self-Sabotage and How to Stop it. I'm going to get into. Why this shows up, what it really means and what you can do to break through it for good. Do you ever feel like you are doing everything in your business except the one thing that would actually move it forward?
Yeah. Like you got this idea, the plans, the goals, you know what you should be doing, but when it's time to actually do it, you freeze or you overthink it, or you spend the whole day doing. I'm quoting here with my fingers. Productive things, right, that don't actually go anywhere. Yeah, that was me for a long time too.
And I tell myself all the things, I just need more clarity. I am not ready yet. I want to get this just right, but looking back, I wasn't confused. I was self-sabotaging. Not because I didn't care, not because I was. Scared of success, although maybe a little bit in some cases.
But because I didn't fully trust [00:01:00] myself, I didn't trust that my instincts were right. I didn't trust that I could figure it out as I went, and I definitely didn't trust that taking messy action would actually lead to something good. So I waited. I polished it up, I hesitated, and that hesitation, it cost me momentum, income, and honestly my confidence.
So. Why did I create this episode? Well, it's because I've been having this conversation nonstop lately. Inside of my effortless closing machine, my foundation course, so many entrepreneurs are bumping against this exact same thing. They're working on defining their dream client, narrowing their niche, growing clear on their unique value.
Also, they can finally create messaging that attracts high value clients to them instead of always being on the hunt. And what I'm hearing a lot, almost every day is that self-sabotage is sneaking in right in the middle of this process. So I thought if everyone inside my program is working on this right now, I bet you are [00:02:00] too.
Because I want you to see that you're not alone in this and there's nothing wrong with you. This episode is here to help you name it, see it, and start moving through it so you can stop circling and finally step into the next vision of your business with confidence. So I , pulling back the curtain and sharing what I've learned about self-sabotage.
Why it really shows up. Hint, it's not what you think, how it keeps showing up in your business and the small but powerful shift that finally helped me to break the pattern. If you are ready to stop second guessing yourself and finally do the thing, you keep saying you want to do, then this episode is for you.
Intro: In my third year of real estate, I went from being a struggling solo agent to becoming a top 1% agent in the United States, earning over half a million dollars annually without a team or burnout. This podcast is your go-to resource for learning how to close deals effortlessly, build a thriving real estate business, and [00:03:00] turn all your efforts into real result in half.
The time. My name is Christina Koki. I am the Effortless closing coach and welcome to the Effortless Closing Podcast.
Now, before we dive into how it was showing up for me, let's talk about what self-sabotage actually is, because most of the time we think it looks like procrastinating or being lazy, but it's not that simple. Self-sabotage is when your actions or the lack of actions don't match your goals.
It's when you say you want one thing, but you keep doing the opposite. Not because you don't want it, but because something deeper is trying to keep you safe. is a protective mechanism. Your brain thinks it's doing you a favor. Honestly, it really does. It's trying to keep you from feeling exposed or embarrassed or like you might fail.
So instead of letting you take the leap, it whispers things like, let's just tweak this one more time. Maybe now's not the right [00:04:00] moment. You're not ready yet. Sound familiar? Do you want to hear what my brain has been telling me for the last few months? You're gonna be like, this is crazy. Well, I have been working on a back-to-back bathroom renovations.
This is what it tells me. No one's going to like that bathroom. Why did you pick green tile? That color won't work. Keep looking like, girl, it's tile. We're not launching a billion dollar brand here. Sometimes it feels like branding is much easier than this. Right? But that's how sneaky self sabotage can be.
It shows up everywhere. And here's the wild part. I've been building and growing my real estate business for the last eight years. I'm in the top 1% in the United States As a solo agent, I help my clients buy and sell homes while managing their full home renovations. And the results my listings often sell for up to 85% more than similar homes in the same area.
Why? Because I know how to design, position it, market it, and attract the right buyers to me effortlessly. I have actually built a cult following [00:05:00] for the homes that I do. It's kind of funny. They want to see what I did to the home how far over the last comp this home's gonna sell for. But even with all that proof, my brain still questions.
My decisions still tries to convince me I don't know what I'm doing because that's what our minds do. They're wired to protect us, not to push us forward, even when we know we're amazing at what we do and what's wild is most of the time. You don't even realize you're doing it because self-sabotage doesn't always feel like resistance.
Sometimes it feels like productivity isn't that kind of scary to think about that you're organizing, planning, learning, researching, but you're not actually moving forward? Do you ever get that feeling? That's why it's so sneaky, and that's why I want to talk about it today.
Because once you know what to look for, you can catch it in real time and finally start breaking the pattern. Okay, let's zoom out for a second because if you've ever wondered, why do I keep doing this to [00:06:00] myself? Like why do I say I want to grow, but then sabotage my own momentum?
Or why do I say I wanna grow but never seem to ever move forward? This is also a form of sabotage. There's actually a very real reason for that. Self-sabotage isn't just a mindset issue. It's not just a bad habit or a flaw in your discipline. It's actually how your brain tries to keep you safe. We're wired to avoid risk, especially emotional risk, and guess what feels risky to your nervous system?
Showing up online, selling something new, getting visible, letting people see you even if you consistently want growth and success. Your brain associates unfamiliar territory with danger, and so it hits the brakes hard. It says, wait, this feels scary. Let's protect you. Let's pause. Let's not make a mistake.
It is totally subconscious and for a lot of us, the pattern goes way back. Sometimes it goes all the way back to childhood where we [00:07:00] learn either to trust our instincts or not, or to be wrong. Being messy or taking up space comes with consequences. Like when I was growing up, my parents would always say things to me like, you're gonna get hurt.
Don't do that. No one makes money on that. You can't do it. You can't do this. You can't do that.
And I know they were just trying to keep me safe, but what they didn't realize is they were also wiring my brain to look around, overthink and double check before leaping. To play it safe to always wonder, is this okay? Is this really safe? And ugh, I catch myself doing this with my kids sometimes too. The instinct to protect it runs deep.
But now that I know the pattern, I'm trying to shift it to give them space to build their own self-trust. If you're part of my Effortless Insiders, my email community. Then you've already met my little love William. He's turning nine next month. I can't even believe that. It is so crazy. So if you don't know, I have four kids ranging from my only daughter who's 15 and a [00:08:00] half all the way down to my youngest, who is five.
So William, he's right in the middle, and sometimes that leaves him feeling a little. Stuck too old to fully connect with his younger brother. Too young, to keep up with his older brother, who's 13 right now. He's in that I wanna be a big boy phase mom. So every morning when we get to school, he asks to walk by himself.
And honestly, at first I was really nervous. Where we live, there are no school buses, which means it's a tight 15 minute drop off, over a thousand people. Literally in 15 minutes are rushing to get their kids to to school. Cars everywhere, kids everywhere. Parking is a nightmare and it's chaotic. And for us to even get there, we have to park and walk a little ways and cross a few busy streets.
It's not just let him out and go. But over the last few weeks I've been leaning into something bigger than my worry. I've been teaching him to trust himself. We go over the rules, look and [00:09:00] listen. Check for cars. If you're unsure, don't cross weight. And then I let him go, oh my gosh, it is hard.
And I take a deep breath about it, right? Because he wants to do this. He keeps asking me every day, mom, I'm gonna walk by myself, right? Mom, I'm gonna walk by myself. Mom, I'm gonna go right. it's really hard for me to let it go, but I'm doing it. And more importantly, besides him wanting this. It goes even deeper to, he needs this. He needs to start learning that he can trust himself, that he can be okay, that even when the world feels a little busy and overwhelming, he can handle it. It's like those parents you see at the park, the ones who let their kids climb that giant tree.
You know the one I'm talking about, like where it's so big and they go so high. Meanwhile, I'm over here and my mommy's senses are tingling, wanting to yell, be careful, get down. That's not safe. But their parent, they just sit there quietly and watch, and that kid climbs all the way up. But here's the thing, they figure it out.
Every step up, every [00:10:00] step down, they're building their trust in themselves. That's what we're talking about here. Learning to be that same kind of parent to yourself. Letting yourself take the risk, letting yourself climb that tree. Even if your nervous system is screaming a little, because that's how you build the muscle of self trust.
Not by avoiding risk, but by showing ourselves, Hey, I've got it. I can handle this. So self-sabotage becomes a kind of emotional armor. It protects you from judgment, from rejection, from shame, from disappointment, the tricky part. It feels like you're being smart, like you are not ready yet.
Like you are being thoughtful, but in reality you're just stuck. And once I understood that, once I saw it, and not as a flaw, but as a protective mechanism, everything shifted because you can't shame yourself out of self. Sabotage. But you can start to recognize it. Thank your brain for [00:11:00] trying to help, and then say, I'm safe.
I got this. We're doing it anyways. That's when it starts to lose its grip for me, self-sabotage didn't look. Like quitting. It didn't look like laying on the couch and eating chips and saying, I give up. Nope, it was sneakier than that. It looked like opening 47 tabs to research before launching a new offer, only to end up deep in a rabbit hole reading about the best fonts for Canva thumbnails instead of actually posting the thing.
Okay, don't laugh. I know you do this too. It looked like rewriting my sales page five times. Then deciding, you know what? Maybe I should just start a completely new offer. Instead, it looked like saying, I need to wait for this to feel right, the timing to be right, which let's be honest, is code for, I'm waiting for the universe to send me a handwritten invitation with confetti.
Does that sound familiar? Is that how you feel? I wasn't lazy far from it. I wasn't flaky. I wasn't [00:12:00] confused. I just. Didn't trust myself. I didn't trust that my offer was solid. I didn't trust that anyone would actually care about what I had to say, and I definitely didn't trust that I could just hit publish without triple checking the caption, the font, the alignment.
Whether Mercury was in retrograde, and a shout out to Ryan, one of my amazing clients from Effortless Closing Machine, she messaged me the other day after sending out her very first newsletter. She said The amount of anxiety I had before I hit the send button was crazy, but I did it because she wanted to be perfect.
Of course she did. But you know what she did instead? She took a breath, embraced the imperfect. And hit send anyways. And that, that's the magic because confidence doesn't come with perfection. It comes from doing it scared, doing it before you're ready doing it, even when your voice shakes a little. Right?
That's [00:13:00] okay for me. I didn't do that at first. I did what so many smart, ambitious women do. I stayed busy. Instead of getting brave, I set goals. I made plans. I lit a candle and played the focus playlist, and then I second guess every single idea until they flatlined. And here's the part that stings a little.
The longer I waited to take action, the less confident I felt. I mean, look at this podcast. I wanted to start it four years ago, four. Years ago, and I only launched it 16 weeks ago. If I had trusted myself back then, I'd be four years ahead right now. The growth, the audience, the sales, all of it all missed.
But instead, I've listened to so many people who told me not to do it. Even when I finally got the courage to start top coaches like those a hundred thousand dollars a year, coaches were still telling me no. But it felt right in my heart, and finally I stopped [00:14:00] listening to them and started listening to me.
Same with my ECM course Four years ago. I wanted to create it, and back then my coaches told me, no one's gonna buy. You don't have the audience. It's a waste of your time. But when I finally launched it 16 months ago, I still didn't have an audience, but I sold a lot of seats. And since then, my audience has grown from zero to thousands.
And again, I thought, imagine where I could be if I started this four years ago. That lesson. It hurt. It really did, but I needed it because now I trust myself in a very different way. My podcast is just one example, but now I have my YouTube, my Instagram. Okay. In all fairness, I haven't started my TikTok yet, but I'm getting there.
I promise. It's one thing at a time. So when I talk to you about self-sabotage. I'm not talking about theory, I'm talking about what I've lived through, and this is why I care so deeply about helping you with second guessing yourself too. Because confidence [00:15:00] doesn't come from planning, it comes from trying.
And when I finally saw that pattern for what it was, not a lack of motivation, but a lack of self trust, that's when everything started to shift. So how did I actually get out of it? Honestly, there wasn't some magical aha moment. It wasn't like I journaled once lit a candle and suddenly trusted myself. I just got tired of waiting.
I remember thinking imperfect is better than perfect, and that was the moment something clicked. So I started doing things before I felt ready, like way before I felt ready. I mean, like. Dirty, messy. Before, before I cleaned everything up, before I knew what I was doing, right? I launched my podcast before I had a fancy intro.
I literally made it right after I recorded my first episode because I needed something and thought, well, this will work for now. Let me give you a little insight into my messy. Just do it moments. When I launched my podcast, I stayed [00:16:00] up until 2:00 AM setting everything up and getting it all ready. The learning curve was huge for me.
I finished recording, edited the episode, made the intro and edited that, created accounts on all the podcast platforms to syndicate. Okay, you gotta figure that out. Was challenging there. then I sat there like, Now, how do I actually get this thing to go out into the world? But I did it. I figured it out.
I went to bed totally exhausted because remember, I have four little kids, so the next day I have to get up at 6:00 AM to get her married for school. So I woke up super excited that I did it. I went to go check on everything and realized half of it didn't even work. Like literally some platforms didn't connect.
Something glitched, but it was fine. I took a breath, I fixed it, and I kept going. I didn't even have a solid plan. I was like, let's just see where this goes. I just need to stay consistent. Same with my course. I had this idea for ECM, which is my effortless closing machine years ago, [00:17:00] and one day I was like, you know what?
I'm just going to put it out there. Let's see what happens. And you know what actually happened? It worked not perfectly, not without awkward moments or figuring it out on the fly, but it worked.
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This is how you start trusting yourself again, not by waiting for clarity or permission, not by overthinking it to death, which so many of us do.
I promise you, I. Still do that. And I have talked myself down. It's just by doing the thing you keep saying you want to do before you actually feel fully ready. Key is you'll never be ready. Lemme repeat that one more time. I think we all forget this. You'll never be ready. Nothing will be perfect. Nothing will be 100% ready.
Never ever, ever. And every time I did that, even in small ways, my confidence grew. It was like, okay, I can do hard things. I can trust my gut. I don't need someone else to validate this. And that shift from planning to trying is honestly what changed everything for me. And just so we're [00:21:00] clear, the whole self-sabotage thing, it doesn't magically disappear the moment you finally publish or launch that thing.
I wish I could tell you that once I broke through and trusted myself, it was smooth sailing from there. But nope, it just shows up in new ways. It gets sneakier. Before it was, I'm not ready to launch this now, it sounds more like I don't have time to pitch that podcast interview right now, or maybe I should just wait until I have more followers to post that offer.
Different level. Same problem, because every time we grow, we hit a new edge. Our brain plus it. I love our brain. It still tries to just keep us safe from the unknown, but now I recognize it quicker. I can see the spin starting before it even takes over. I don't get stuck in the same overthinking loops for weeks at a time anymore.
Now it's more like, okay. I see what's happening here. This is just the part where I try to talk myself out of it. Cool. I'm doing it anyways. So if you've done the work before, if you're [00:22:00] already broken through once, but suddenly it's creeping back in, you are not broken.
You are just growing again, which is fantastic. We want that, right? It's super normal. You're human, and this stuff comes in waves, but here's the best part. Every time you face it and move away, you build another layer of self trust. You prove to yourself that you're not fragile because you're not, you're not flaky, you're not falling behind.
You are just in the middle of strengthening. Your next level. And honestly, that's what growth really looks like. Not flawless execution, but catching the pattern sooner and choosing to move forward. Anyways, and I know this is kind of a weird connection, but just stay with me for a second. I'm obsessed with a good murder mystery, like obsessed.
So many of them are not great. So I'm like obsessed with them. I'll tell you in a minute, not to get totally sidetracked here, but my kids hate watching them with me because, well. A lot of 'em are bad. Like really bad. And I can figure out who did it like in the first [00:23:00] 10 minutes. It's like, yep, the neighbor did it.
Definitely the neighbor. And I'm always right. And that drives my kids nuts. They're like, we hate watching TV with you, mom. You ruined the movie. Like I, I am just like, I see it, it's obvious, but when I find those shows where I cannot figure it out, do I love those shows? There's this one show on Netflix, the residents and oh my gosh.
I was stumped and I loved it. I like couldn't stop watching the darn show. I was like, I gotta watch the next episode. I gotta watch the next episode. Like genuinely, I was struggling to figure it out all the way to the end. And if you want me to be totally honest, I had three people that I thought it was it, and the person who was actually, it wasn't none on my three, so I had no clue, which was so cool.
I loved it. And there was this moment where the detective, she's interviewing someone and she just , asked them a question. And then says nothing. She just stares at them. Total silence. Wait, wait, wait. And you're watching this awkward moment [00:24:00] unfold. And sure enough, the suspect just starts talking. Just that they're spilling everything because they think she already knows, because she's just staring at them like she does know.
And it hit me. That's how clarity works in your business too. Sometimes you don't need more answers, you just need to stop talking over your own intuition. You need to give yourself a second to of silence, not to rush, to fix or prove or figure it all out, and let the real answer actually rise up. Wait, wait.
Wait. That's what the mindset shift is all about. It's not about always being bold or fearless, which I will tell you, I'm that person who runs into the burning building and figures everything out later. That's not the greatest strategy, I promise you. It's about trusting that if you are giving yourself a moment, a pause, a breath, a chance to try something, instead of overthinking it.
Guess what happens? You'll figure it out. You already know more than you [00:25:00] think. unfortunately, our brains hide a lot from us. You just have to stop filling the silence with doubt and let the truth rise up. It is there. We just have to wait for it. So now I wanna turn this back to you because if you are listening to this right now, there's probably something you've been circling around doing, something you keep saying you want to do, but haven't done it yet.
And I'm not judging you for that at all, trust me. Like I said, I've lived that cycle for way too long. I wanna ask you gently, what are you actually waiting for? Take a second. Really think about it. Is it clarity? Is it confidence? Is it permission from someone else or is it that deep down you are not sure you trust yourself to get it right?
And if so, what if getting it right isn't the problem? What if this next step you're avoiding is actually the thing that builds your confidence, that turns your business around, that changes your life forever, [00:26:00] but you'll never know. So here's what I want you to do today. Ask yourself these questions.
Where am I holding back right now? What have I been planning or waiting on that I already know I need to just try and what? Would shift if I trusted myself to figure it out as I go.
You don't need to have it all mapped out. You just need to take one brave, messy, slightly scary step, and then another after that. That's how you build the business. That's how you build the trust. That's how you build. Well, you, I've coached so many high achieving women through that exact pattern, this movement of, I should be further along, but I just keep circling.
And the one thing that always shows up, a lack of trust in themselves. Not skill, not drive, just trust. this came up just the other day with one of my coaching clients. I was talking to Christina. She's inside the ECM program she said she was [00:27:00] really struggling to figure out her unique value, which granted it is very hard.
I help my students a lot to come up with their own unique value how to put her messaging together. She had so many thoughts that she started feeling like maybe she should just scrap the whole thing and start over. She said, no one's really resonating with it. But in all honesty, she hadn't really tested it.
She only told a couple of friends, then the fear crept in. Suddenly her brain started saying, oh, it's too long. Oh, I haven't found the right words. Oh, I don't even know what a landing page is. And the truth, what she had was amazing. She just wasn't trusting herself yet. She was letting fear create hesitation, and hesitation was leading to doubt.
And the second I helped her to slow down, talk it through and start making small moves forward, everything shifted for her. It just takes a little coaching to help you see the truth because Christina is amazing. She's doing the work. She's building her effortless closing machine so she can have more time with her boys and make [00:28:00] more money in half the time.
You can overcome this too, but you just need to start with this. Reframe your mindset, shift the way you see it, because that's how you start building strength. As we wrap up today's episode. I want to leave you with this. If you've been wondering what's the one thing that actually is going to change this for me?
The answer is simple. It's action, not perfect action. Not a five year plan, not another course or checklist. It's taking one brave, messy, aligned step. Before you feel ready, because that's how you build self-trust. That's how you stop circling. That's how you shift out of the pattern that's been holding you back.
So if you're looking for a magic bullet, this is it. Try something. Seriously. That's it. Try it before you feel ready, even if it's small, even if it's scary, even if it's messy. If you heard a lot of my other podcasts, or you are watching me on YouTube as well, I'm a big advocate for test, test, test, [00:29:00] do a lot of testing, right?
I was just on a call with my team and I was like, can we do this one thing? What if we did this? And we were all brainstorming, and then I said. Why don't we just create two landing pages, one with this message, one with that message, and let's see how they land.
That's the way you do this, right? It is just testing it. Just try something. Just get out and do it. This is the one thing that will change everything for you. You have to learn how to carry the weight of success before you can get there. It is critical, and I actually talk more about this in my very first podcast episode.
It's called Carrying the Weight of Success. It's episode 0 0 1. If you wanna scroll back and check it out when you're done, it's a good one. Honestly, it still hits me every time I re-listen to it. The whole point is this. You need to build the strength to carry the way to success before you actually get there.
Or it will crush you. Because if success comes too fast and if you haven't done the internal work to hold it, like I said, it just [00:30:00] crushes you. So when you're in the messy middle, taking those small steps, building self trust, that's not you being behind. That's you getting ready to carry what you're asking for.
So that when it does come back. And it will. It's easier to catch that self-doubt, move through it and keep going, fully trusting yourself. Alright, now it's your term. I want you to take action today. Not huge action. Not rebuild your entire business by Friday. Energy, I mean, one small, brave, slightly imperfect thing today.
Maybe it's finally posting the offer you've been sitting on. Maybe it's recording. I. That intro video for your website, even if your hair is in a button and you're using natural light, maybe it's DMing a potential client. Instead of spending 45 minutes trying to write the perfect message with zero typos, and let's be real ideal emoji to word ratio,
whatever it is, try something because this is where the shift happens. Trying is how you build self-trust. [00:31:00] Not thinking, not researching, not planning for the hundredth time trying. Messy human, brave, trying. That's what gets you moving. That's what build momentum. That's what rewires your brain to believe.
Oh, we do take action out. We are the kind of person who falls through. So what's that one thing that you keep thinking about that maybe you're not ready for, but deep down, you know it's time to try. Do that today before you overthink it. if you wanna take it a step further, DM me on Instagram and tell me what you did.
I wanna celebrate you seriously, if you need a little help to hold you accountable. I can do that too. I promise. I'm really good at it. Let me know what brave and perfect thing you did today. They just tried. You just did it because that's how this journey starts. One step at a time, and I'll be cheering you on the whole way.
And hey, if you're sitting here thinking, okay, I'm ready for more than just. One tiny step. I want to really move. I want something to help me [00:32:00] trust myself, shape my messaging, clean up the chaos, and actually grow this thing. And even if I could double my income, please, then I have something for you. I'm opening up a beta group for my new one to one coaching program.
It's a three month deep dive designed to help you grow your business from where it is right now. And the goal is to get you generating an extra a hundred thousand dollars a year. In the next six months, we'll focus on the exact mindset and business shifts that actually move the needle. No fluff, no. Do more strategies because I'm not all about that.
Only effortless closings. Just clear focus, aligned work that finally makes you feel. Like you and so much more. If that sounds like the next steps you've been craving, DM me on Instagram, the word beta, and I'll send you the application. Then we can jump on a call together to discuss further.
No pressure, no weird pitch, just a conversation to see if it's the right fit for where you are [00:33:00] at. Because when you stop doubting and start deciding, that's when the momentum really kicks in. And hey, if this is resonating with you, would you do me a favor and share this episode with a friend or post it into your stories and tag me?
I would love that. And that's how these conversations reach more people who need to hear them. So just remember. You're not behind, you're not broken. You are just learning how to trust yourself again. And that's not something you figure out in theory. That's something you build one brave, imperfect step at a time.
Whether that's hitting, publish, launching your offer, or simply deciding not to overthink it this time, every move you make is a vote for the business and life.
Your building, and I'll say this again, you don't need to wait until you're ready. You just need to decide that this time. You're not going to wait. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening all the way through, and thank you for being the kind of woman who's willing to look at her patterns and do the work to shift [00:34:00] them.
That alone already makes you unstoppable. I hope you found this episode valuable, and if you did, would you do me another quick favor? Leave me a review to help more women find this content. It means the world to me and really helps the show grow. Until next week, stay strong, take action. Your success is already there for you to step into.
You just have to move in the right direction forward. I'll see you on the next episode, and truly thank you for being here. I love our chats every week, and I'm so glad we get to do this together. See you next week.
